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I was listening to the radio at work, the other day, when the station aired a campaign spot for a man I've never heard of. He's running for the senate, apparently, yet all the ad told me about him politically was that a sweet old narrator seems really impressed about the fact that this candidate still gets up and mows his own lawn. Somebody's grandfather also seems comforted by the fact that this aspiring public figure still drives the same pickup truck that he's had for over 30 years.

That's it. That's all the factual information that this campaign ad had to say about this man's qualifications to represent me with a seat in the U.S. Senate. After the 5th time of hearing it that day, not only did I have the "facts" of that ad memorized, and, in spite of my best efforts, an opinion of him had developed the vacuum of any real information about what he'd do for me in exchange for my vote.

Now, I'm not exactly suggesting that I want a multi-billionaire to pick and choose which corners we cut on the way to a tax-break, but I do expect a politician who's made it to that level in his career to... kind of have his shit together. I mean, if he wins, he'll be a senator. He'll probably kind of busy with things that are more important than getting the edging around the driveway just right. Hell, even my Dad started paying a neighborhood kid to rake the leaves after the mortgage was paid off. I guess that I'm supposed to find it charming that he's such a regular guy he'll cut his own grass. But I need to know a little more about a man who'll have the power to vote on whether or not we're going to declare war. It could happen. If I need open heart surgery, I want to know more about my doctor than that his patio is still level two months after he built it himself.

As for the 30 year old pickup truck: that gag is so old it's got hair on it. If you simply have to tell me he's good with long term relationships, will you just trot out his wife for public display like everybody else. I don't care if he's sentimental about a piece of farm equiptment... and I hope to God he can get a car loan. This tells me nothing useful. At least if you'd bragged about how long his marriage has lasted, we could both pretend that it would suggest that he's trustworthy and loyal. In reality, of course, hearing that a politician has been married for 30 years, means that after 3 decades with him, his wife isn't miserable enough to leave him yet.

While I'm at it, I'd like to tell anyone running for public office: stop holding press conferences in the middle of a ranch, in the woods or off the back of a fucking bass boat. Just stop that. It's not spontaneous. It's not even effective enough to be deceitful. Nobody thinks that a CNN camera crew got lost in the wilderness and just happened to stumble across a national political figure leading a crew of landscapers in a brush clearing project. We all recognize these little publicity stunts for what they are: cynical and scripted photo opportunities designed to give the candidate a carefully manipulated image. The only message that this sends to me is that if you are running for office, I can't trust a word coming out of your mouth.