Sleep Deprived Haiku

Impatient cat wakes
Me half hour before alarm. Cats
have no snooze button

God and Country Haiku

You're yelling "God Bless
America" like you can
tell God what to do.

Family Values Haiku 2

Dear Doctor Dobson,
Keep your kids off my lawn or
I'm calling the cops.

Family Values Haiku 1

Dear Doctor Dobson,
We're fine. Maybe you should focus
on your family.

Haiku for Patti Linnell

They say Masturbation
is healthy... until you do
it in front of them

Remembrance Haiku

Mom stops making bed
Looks at the picture frame... It was
Four years ago today

Retirement Haiku

Old Couple with
Bloody Marys chews celery
In noisy silence

Self Help Haiku

Hard work? Resented.
Talent? Taken for granted.
Success is a bitch.

Haiku for the 2003 NPS champ

If you are dating
Mike McGee, getting a chubby
can have two meanings.

Baby Haiku

Children are God's way
Of punishing couples for
not using The Pill.

Futile Haiku

Tell me, how do you
Fit a lifetime into
17 syllables?

Moment of Clarity Haiku

Being great is like
Being funny. You succeed
when you quit trying.

2004 Head-To-Head Haiku

Her asshole lover was
Like a giant Panda:
Eats, Shoots & Leaves

2004 Head-To-Head Haiku

I keep your memories
Warm... stuffed and mounted
Over the fireplace